Whoa there, buddy. If you’re looking for some kinky action, you’ve come to the wrong place. Well, maybe not. Depends on what floats your boat, I suppose.
This post is about Christian women who pride themselves on submission to their husbands. I came across the Above Rubies website while following links about the rise of Christian conservatism in Australia… so grab a Jesus-endorsed cup of Gloria Jean’s coffee and try not to choke as you read these articles.
Above Rubies is an international ‘women’s ministry’ that “encourages women in their high calling as wives, mothers, and homemakers”. It offers advice on perplexing and important issues such as how to get your husband to pick up after himself around the house without nagging or actually telling him what’s wrong (pray), family planning (pray), and how to cook healthy food for your family (read the bible).
The twisted reasoning of the women who write for this website spews forth again and again in passages like this:
I also had a list of other things that I felt were more important that I couldn’t do while pregnant or dragging infants and small children around all the time. In a way, I felt like I was compromising my health and wasting my life away by being pregnant and nursing all the time. What about Quality vs. Quantity?
I approached the marriage bed with panic for fear of getting pregnant again. We tried barrier contraception but it caused me a lot of pain. Other methods were not an option, especially since I was still nursing and hadn’t had my return of cycles yet. In lieu of abstinence I cried out to God for a solution, “Lord! Please help us! What contraception should we use!?”
He answered, “Trust Me.” That was not the answer I wanted. The last time I trusted God I got pregnant right away, and I wasn’t interested in being tricked into that again. I griped back to the Lord, “Aren’t my reasons good enough for You?” But who am I to argue with God? After some deliberation I decided to trust Him again and do nothing to prevent a pregnancy.
After my first two babies were born I got my cycles back when they were three months old. Imagine my delight when five months had passed and I still wasn’t menstruating or pregnant! My period came back at six months and seven months and I was rejoicing!
It sure was worth it to trust the Lord! I celebrated by taking a late Spring excursion to an amusement park to ride roller coasters all day while I still had the chance. I was supposed to get my period that day, but it never came. Two days later I took a home test and found out I was pregnant again.
I was so mad! Shaking my fist at the Lord I yelled, “You told me to trust You, and I DID! Now look what You’ve done! Why do You insist on keeping me down and miserable? You are NOT the God I thought You were!”
No He wasn’t! So tell me, who’s problem is that?
As evil as it sounds, and as evil as it truly is, deep down inside I was half hoping for a miscarriage. I felt horrible, my life was a mess, I hated everything and everyone, I was seeing a counselor, my circumstances only got worse, and I just wanted to end it all!
But as I went along I accepted my pregnancy and dealt with it, holding on to the only shred of truth that I could: that God told me to trust Him, and I obeyed. Somehow He is going to work it out. He has to! There’s no other hope!
Grr. Reading this makes me want to throw things.
Living in a place like Australia (or the US, or Canada), we often pity the women who live in ‘third-world’ countries or in Islamic countries who don’t get to make decisions about their bodies and lives, because of the stifling patriarchy or poverty or a combination of a whole lot of issues. But under our very noses, women like those who subscribe to the Above Rubies philosophy are undermining the rights that have been so slowly and painfully won.
Some might argue, they’ve chosen to be submissive, so who are you to judge them?
Um, ok, here’s the thing. These women, who have no doubt been indoctrinated by their elders, are now indoctrinating their own children, their own daughters. They’re teaching their daughters that a woman’s purpose on earth is to support and ‘complete’ the lives of men, and to have babies:
I purpose we let the little boys have their trucks back. Let’s give our little girls the most beautiful, precious doll we can find or make. Then when our little girl plays with her doll, encourage her to be a loving mother. Don’t allow her to let her baby to be unkept. If you love her doll it will be even more precious to her.
Awhile back my eight year old Hannah came to me and said, “Mommy, I don’t know what is wrong with Benny (her special doll). He just keeps crying all the time.” “Well, honey,” I said, “Have you been leaving him home a lot when you go play with friends?” She thought about it for a moment and confessed she had left him home a lot. I then shared with her that babies get very scared and lonely when they are not with their mothers. They need to be reassured that mommy is there. I suggested that she keep Ben with her everywhere she goes for the next couple of days and that she may not want to depend on a pacifier too much. That way she can be sure he is secure. She was excited and faithfully kept her precious baby boy at her side. He went in the car seat when we went to the store, and was carefully strapped in the shopping car.
In the course of her growing up Hannah may forget our little conversation. One day, when she is a real mommy she will be sure to face a fussy baby. I believe she will know by intuition what to do. I am confident because she has been in “mommy training” all her life and has learned to love.
Say what??!!
These women are teaching their daughters to accept things in their lives that upset them or make them suicidal (such as the account of the unwanted pregnancy above), things that women who aren’t true believers have it well within their power to change, because its all part of their god’s plan. BULLSHIT!
BULL-frickin’-SHIT. This kind of thinking only causes distress. How can people live with the constant worry about sinning? Perhaps the lure of religion is that you feel like you don’t have to take responsibility for what happens in your life. Things happen because god wants them that way.
Let me say that again: things happen because god want them that way. If you’re suffering, it’s YOUR fault. Pray harder.
And this submissive women crap isn’t all roses for men either. Because if you’re not a tyrannical he-man asshole, your submissive wife will turn all her passive-aggression against you, and post to sites like Above Rubies asking how she should deal with her ‘wimp’ husband. Seriously. ‘Wimp’. That’s the word they use.
I don’t even need to write any more. I think Above Rubies, sites like it, and the people who contribute to it, speak volumes for themselves.
April 18, 2008 at 8:47 pm |
[...] say that because this blogger sees no difference between what I believe about marriage and submission and what the FLDS teach. I [...]
June 30, 2008 at 2:31 pm |
Not all of us Christian women are on board with the extreme submission taught by the hyper-patriarchy camp. Check out the answer to sites like above rubies at whitewashedfeminist.com
April 5, 2009 at 4:13 am |
I posted the following comment on http://preachersfiles.com/biblical-submission-–-the-example-of-a-submissive-christian-wife/ and thought you might enjoy reading it as well. Plus, I think the owner of that blog will likely delete my comment when he reads it, lol.
The vast majority of men today are not mature enough, responsible enough, caring enough, or empathic enough to be able to lead a household. The majority of males I have known have an ego the size of Texas and if you give him any power over you he is sure to abuse it and attempt to turn you into his personal servant and sex slave. YOU CANNOT TRUST MEN TO DO THE RIGHT THING. They aren’t able to relate to your feelings or those of your children. All they care about are their own insecurities and sexual desires. When you complain about him going to the bar at night, he’ll tell you to be submissive (it’s “God” telling you, not him, of course!) and tell you to stay home and care for the four kids he knocked you up with. You need not worry about what HE’S doing.
1 Pet (3:1-2) tells the woman: “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” This means that you aren’t supposed to complain at all if you don’t like what your husband is doing or what he is making you do. You need to submit to his demands “without a word”. He will supposedly be won as he “observes your chaste and respectful behavior.”
How naive do women really have to be to not see that this crap was written by men in a blatant attempt to make women feel inferior to them? Do you really think that GOD would write such an asinine thing? If you are as sick and tired of these ignorant Bible teachings as I am, then know that the Goddess welcomes you to her with open arms. She empowers you as a woman, She feels your pain, and She holds you in her warm embrace. She will never treat you like a slave the way the MALE-CREATED god does (and then denies that he does.) The Goddess sees woman as the beautiful, mystical, and magical creature that she is. Women have so much more spiritual and emotional depth to them than men do. Men are inferior in so many ways. They are like worker ants. They simply do what they’re told, and they are very good at that. But if you put them in charge, they lose control. They don’t know how to act and so they act arrogant and childish and oftentimes abusive as well.
To the woman whose husband belittled her because she didn’t sign her name “Mrs. John Doe” the way he desired, you need to understand that your husband has absolutely NO respect for women (including you.) I’m certain that he is abusive in many ways other than just what you described. He sounds like the typical abusive man. Please read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and see if that describes your husband. I have found that it describes almost all the abusive men I’ve known.
As far as I’m concerned, the Bible could be banned forever and I wouldn’t care one whit. It’s so full of nonsense that demeans women and makes them subservient to men. I really can’t wait until the day when women realize they’ve been being USED and MANIPULATED by their religion. Then women will come together and they will all insist that the Bible be totally rewritten to be respectful to women, children, gay people, and other faiths. The 10 Commandments will be rewritten to include “Thou shalt not abuse your family members.” and “Men and women shall be treated equally.”
Men just love to sit back and laugh when they see a “submissive Christian woman” who thinks she is doing God’s will. Men think you are so stupid and naive, and I guess compared to the men, you actually ARE stupid and naive. Otherwise, you wouldn’t believe this nonsense. You can be CERTAIN that men would NEVER follow a religion that told them to submit to women. What they would do is create their OWN religion that turned the tables on the women. Oh wait, that’s what they already did! It’s called Christianity, Islam, and Judaism.
In Her Service,
Heather